


i'm drunk, i love you

by averyblue



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Light Angst, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-08 03:59:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11638491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/averyblue/pseuds/averyblue
Summary: “I’ll miss you a lot too, hyung. I’ll miss your savagery and meme faces,” Changkyun finished. It took him half a minute to register what he said. “Shit. I said all those out loud.”Back to back and under the stars, Changkyun and Hyungwon engage in a heartfelt talk.





	i'm drunk, i love you

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by mcfly's 'falling in love' and ramenrulz8p's prompt to me before about 'a confession given by a character leaning against his special someone's back' 
> 
> i hope the writing style's not too weird, i tried XD i've never actually gotten drunk but i've read soju hits pretty hard. i've only tried one shot of that though
> 
> [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LM6jvqs-sq0) accompanies the vibes of the fic :3c enjoy

Changkyun took another swig of soju, shooting it down his throat like a fizzy sweet soft drink. He had lost count on the number of shots he had, but was sure he wasn't over ten yet. He had seven, maybe. It was more than the measly single shot he usually limited himself to, but the occasion brought him to set himself loose for once.

“Hey, Changkyun?” came a voice, and Changkyun gripped his glass tightly.

He needed another shot.

He wasn’t _that_ tipsy anyway. He could still see Jooheon sitting in front of the campfire, rolling a long barbeque stick with at least a dozen fluffy marshmallows sporting crispy brown bellies. There was Kihyun dancing behind Jooheon and singing a ballad heartily, Minhyuk and Hoseok discussing, _laughing_ , about their shared Sociology class in one of their previous semesters, while Hyunwoo twirled a small shot glass (Kihyun's, as Hyunwoo abstained whenever he had to drive the morning after) and watched them with fond eyes. _Probably feeling nostalgic about his graduation last year_ , Changkyun thought.

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” asked the voice.

He flicked his nose with the shot glass he held.

“No, I don’t,” Changkyun answered, holding his gaze on the campfire. He noticed one of Jooheon’s marshmallows finally toasted black. Maybe he should point it out.

“I do,” said the same voice. Not harshly. Not teasingly. Concernedly.

It was difficult for Changkyun.

He heard a light **clunk** behind him, warmth from a foreign figure gracing his back. An arm extended and quickly snatched the glass from Changkyun’s hold, and a soft, low chuckle rang in his ears.

“Hyung, give that back,” Changkyun mumbled.

“Not until you say the magic words,” voice replied. Changkyun couldn’t find himself to be irritated.

“Please?” he tried, his voice a pitch away from pleading. The same chuckle resonated, and Changkyun’s heart swelled with ache.

The voice hummed, hinting Changkyun’s wrong answer. He wondered if it was only his mind playing games with him. It would actually be better than the real deal teasing him.

But the warmth on his back was proof. The warmth that his senses acknowledged more than the campfire.

“Hyungwon hyung, please?” he tried again.

“Is my name that magical to you?” Hyungwon laughed. The man behind him gently pushed backwards, making Changkyun hunch forward, allowing him to hug his knees.

“If I said yes?” left his lips. Changkyun slowly grasped acceptance that maybe he had drank too much already.

Or not. No. He was still okay. Just a little loose-lipped. He could control it now that he was self-aware.

“I’m still curious on what kind of drunk you are, you know,” Hyungwon replied. “But as your hyung, I’ll be responsible. For once.”

“Too many hyungs here, hyung. They can be responsible instead of you,” Changkyun said. “Like Hyunwoo hyung.”

“He has to handle the others, it’s the least I could do to help him because, y’know, they’re drunk. Like you. Except Jooheon.”

“Jooheon could be drunk. He didn’t notice he burned half of his marshmallows already.” In fact, if Changkyun wasn’t mistaken, Jooheon’s eyes were closed. But it may be the trick of the darkness and fire flickering shadows on the older boy’s face. “I’m not drunk,” he added.

“Jooheon didn’t drink at all. He’s just sleepy,” Hyungwon said, voice filled with mirth. “He should be thankful Minhyuk hyung’s drunk.”

Changkyun slowly pushed back, stretching his legs again. He could feel Hyungwon’s back hunch. The older boy didn’t resist, even when Changkyun’s head was finally leaning against the back of his bare neck. Changkyun tried to ignore their closeness by staring at the sea of stars above him.

“What’s Minhyuk hyung got to do with anything?” Changkyun asked in a hushed voice.

He could feel vibrations against his head as Hyungwon laughed. “Right. You were with Hoseok hyung buying snacks then. Minhyuk hyung told Jooheon some story about the medical sciences building. Total bull, but Jooheon hadn’t slept a wink last night because of it.”

Changkyun cracked a smirk. “Ha!” escaped from his lips, a high-pitched giggle that echoed high into the heavens. “Wish I heard it.”

“Don't, t’was boring. Something about the ghost of a cadaver haunting first year med students with the surname Lee because of some convoluted backstory,” Hyungwon explained, deadpan and unimpressed. “Minhyuk hyung claimed it was why he wouldn't take medicine, but he didn't even take a pre-medicine program.”

Changkyun’s head slid sidewards, still against Hyungwon’s neck, and lowered his gaze from the dark blue sky and to his friends behind the blazing orange fire. He could see Minhyuk and Hyunwoo already singing with Kihyun, and Hoseok was on his feet, swaying his hips a little too provocatively. None of them were capable of telling scary stories now. Meanwhile, Jooheon was finally awake and pouting at his marshmallows, all burnt into a crisp.

“Maybe you're pulling my leg, hyung,” Changkyun retorted.

“You weren't beside Jooheon last night,” Hyungwon reasoned back. “He kept disturbing me. Told me to stay up with him.”

“Knowing you, hyung, you probably didn't. Even Kihyun hyung can't keep you from sleeping,” Changkyun laughed. The older boy's lengthy silence only proved this further.

Or maybe Hyungwon was listening to Jooheon tell Hoseok off for mocking his burnt mallows. Maybe Minhyuk's obnoxious laughter had distracted him from answering. Maybe he was curious on why Kihyun had stopped singing, unable to see the older boy resting his head on Hyunwoo's shoulder while the eldest was making s'mores for distraught and hungry Jooheon. Changkyun didn't know why Hyungwon decided to sit where he was, leaning against Changkyun's back on a thin hollow log and facing the gloomy campsite's towering trees, but he wouldn't complain. This may be the last time he would be in close contact with Hyungwon for a long time.

It was weeks ago that Changkyun was told he'd be moving to Boston. There wouldn't be any problems, school-wise, as his first year was done and his finals were taken. He wouldn't be sticking around for Kihyun, Minhyuk, and Hoseok's graduation, however, and his group of friends wanted to celebrate with him before parting. A weekend camp out, Minhyuk had suggested, just the seven of them.

It sounded like the best idea at first. Changkyun would miss every single one of them.

Hyunwoo and Kihyun, his pseudo-parents on campus. Hoseok, the Tom to Changkyun's Jerry. Minhyuk, always smothering him with brotherly affection. Jooheon, his honorary partner-in-crime.

And then there was Hyungwon, who tugged Changkyun's heartstrings and led butterflies down Changkyun's stomach, who fanned furnaces on his cheeks with a kind smile and shot sparks through his skin with gentle touches.

“What does it feel like, Changkyunnie?”

“What does what feel like?” Changkyun asked.

“Having more drinks than usual,” Hyungwon answered, as though it was the most obvious thing.

Changkyun snorted. “Not too different.” He could feel Hyungwon shift behind him. “I know what you're thinking, hyung. I'm fine.”

Hyungwon's long, slender arm extended from behind again. Changkyun spotted his shot glass, now filled to the brim with clear liquid. “Did I say the magic word, hyung?”

Hyungwon shifted again. Changkyun could hear fingertips on glass and soft swallowing. “No, but I figured I couldn't finish this bottle on my own.”

“I thought you said I already drank too much,” Changkyun chimed, carefully taking the glass before Hyungwon could snatch it away again. He placed the smooth glass against his mouth, the cold touch of soju tickling his upper lip before he downed the few ounces of alcohol.

“'Had enough' is different from 'had too much', Changkyun,” Hyungwon replied. Changkyun imagined, and even knew, that Hyungwon was smirking, and he did the same. The older boy had always opened up many intellectually amusing conversations with Changkyun. “I'm not going to give you more than three, because Hyunwoo hyung's going to castrate me if you end up puking tonight.”

“What if I puke tomorrow?” Changkyun laughed.

“Fair loophole, but I don't control your urges,” Hyungwon replied. “Why are you drinking more than usual anyway?”

Changkyun's eyes focused on the empty bottom of his glass. “I'm not ready to leave, hyung,” he admitted. “I don't even know why I agreed to it.”

“Of course you know. Opportunity. Adventure.” There was a light sound of swishing liquid. “You'll do great there, Changkyunnie.”

“What if I don't?” Changkyun said. “I’m not–”

“Changkyun,” Hyungwon interrupted. “It’s your dream to study music, yeah?”

He nodded, feeling Hyungwon hum as he exhaled. “Then don’t doubt yourself. Don’t worry. Don’t overthink.”

“Must be the drink,” Changkyun said. He snorted. “Hey, it rhymes. Overthink. Drink.”

“You’re this kind of drunk,” Hyungwon chuckled.

“What kind?” Changkyun asked.

“Weird.”

Hoseok cracked a high note all of a sudden. Hyungwon’s body trembled from behind, evidently startled. Changkyun laughed softly.

“Hoseok hyung’s a weird drunk too,” Changkyun remarked. He snickered at the sight of Jooheon glaring at Hoseok for making him drop half of his s’more, while Hyunwoo proceeded to make another one. Kihyun stood up with the intent to smack Hoseok, and Minhyuk fell over the log he sat on from laughing.

“No, he’s the emotional drunk. But I’d take him screeching over crying,” Hyungwon grumbled.

“Why are we talking about types of drunks, hyung?”

“Because you started it.”

“Didn’t you start it?”

“Oh. Right.”

“What kind of drunk are you?”

“Shouldn’t you know?” Hyungwon laughed.

Of course Changkyun knew. A drunk Hyungwon was a conked out Hyungwon. A drunk Hyungwon was a Hyungwon he carried over his shoulder many times back to the older boy’s shared dormitory with Kihyun and Jooheon. A drunk Hyungwon was a Hyungwon Changkyun had confessed to last January, knowing he would never hear it.

“You’re the Sleeping Beauty drunk,” Changkyun said. “It matches. You love sleeping. You look like royalty.” _You’re beautiful asleep. You have the most kissable lips_.

“I’m flattered. Kihyun hyung calls me the pain-in-the-ass drunk,” Hyungwon mused. “It’s harder to wake me up, he said. It’s not like it’s his responsibility anyway, you know?”

“Y-yeah,” Changkyun said sleepily. He stretched his arms and yawned noisily.

“Guess you’re a mix of weird and Sleeping Beauty drunk, Changkyunnie,” the older boy said. He was grinning – Changkyun knew even though he couldn’t see Hyungwon. “I’ll help you back to the tent. I owe you for the times you carried me home before.”

“I’m not yet sleepy. My blood just needed more oxygen,” he replied.

Hyungwon snorted. “Spouting science, now are we?”

“Biology class. Learned it in high school and recalled last semester.”

“Didn’t know Chemical Engineering students had to take Biology.”

Changkyun shrugged. “General Education subject. It had a free slot that fitted nicely in my schedule.”

“Convenient. Will you miss studying Chem Eng'g?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Changkyun said.

Seconds passed and Hyungwon said no more. Changkyun wondered if he fell asleep with the way Hyungwon’s back rose more slowly with every breath he took. He returned to watching his other friends, who he could be talking to right now even in their drunken state, but he couldn’t because of how he didn’t want to startle Hyungwon with motion or noise. He tried not to laugh loudly when Hoseok struggled opening the guitar case they brought and begged Hyunwoo to open it. He tried even harder to stifle his mirth when Hyunwoo told Hoseok to sleep because he was too drunk. He almost failed holding back when Hoseok accidentally knocked over the stack of s’mores beside Jooheon.

As Minhyuk began howling in laughter at Jooheon chasing Hoseok around the way Kihyun did earlier, Changkyun wondered. He didn’t fall for Hoseok, who doted on him like Changkyun was the most precious person in his world. Or Jooheon, who understood Changkyun the way no one else could from his interests to his dreams. Or Minhyuk, who knew and did every single thing to make Changkyun smile.

Things could have been different if he had fallen for them. Maybe things could have been easier too. Maybe he would be drinking less or drinking more, sobbing less or sobbing more.

He couldn’t tell Hyungwon that he was drinking because of Hyungwon himself.

Hyungwon hadn’t been part of his life’s equation when he applied to transfer into a music program in a college abroad. Back then, Hyungwon was an acquaintance, someone Changkyun had just met in that Photography Club party Minhyuk (who Changkyun had met only through Jooheon) hosted. It was where he had met everyone he was with now. The feeling of disinterest between Changkyun and Hyungwon was mutual then.

They only started talking when Changkyun had unknowingly sat in Hyungwon’s favorite spot in the library. Fate must have planted its coordinates in his head, because it was the beginning of their friendship. They had the same break time during the second semester, and Changkyun became a regular at the table where Hyungwon’s favorite chair was. He read while Hyungwon napped. It was routine, broken when Hyungwon took interest in the literature book Changkyun had been perusing for an assignment.

Small talks became intellectual banters, and banters became lunch dates together. Fluent in sleepiness, sarcasm, and sophistication, Hyungwon had fascinated Changkyun to no end. And Hyungwon was kind to him. He didn’t dote on Changkyun like Hoseok did, but he sent little messages from time to time telling him to take care of his health or bought Changkyun snacks out of thoughtfulness. He didn’t understand Changkyun the way Jooheon did, but he listened to and remembered everything Changkyun had to say. He didn’t know all the ways to make Changkyun smile like Minhyuk did, but his snarky wit and humorful expressions brought out the loudest laughter Changkyun could make.

Loneliness was an old friend of Changkyun’s, but for once he didn’t want to settle for it. He would miss his best friends when he leaves next week, and he’d allow himself to feel sorrow because of his impending departure and separation from them.

And Hyungwon. God, Changkyun would miss him terribly so.

“Changkyun-ah?” Hyungwon suddenly called. Changkyun blinked in surprise.

“How was your nap?” he asked.

Hyungwon laughed. “Didn’t nap. I was just thinking.”

“Oh.”

“Changkyun, will you miss us?” Hyungwon asked.

“I… was just thinking about that, actually. That being… how I’ll miss you all,” Changkyun said, biting his lip. “Could I have another shot?”

The glass was quickly snatched from his hand and returned a minute later, full of soju. Changkyun downed it and finally hiccupped. They stayed silent for minutes as Hyunwoo asked Jooheon to help him lug both Hoseok and Minhyuk to the tent while Kihyun was already nestled on Hyunwoo’s back.

“I’ll miss you guys a lot,” Changkyun continued when the others were out of sight. “I’ll miss biting Hyunwoo hyung’s arms and helping Kihyun hyung in the kitchen, and playing videogames with Minhyuk hyung too. I’ll miss Jooheon. Honey hyung. So much. He gets me in music. And other things.”

“That I know well,” Hyungwon said humoredly.

“I’ll miss hiding Hoseok hyung’s toy bunnies and protein shake canisters.”

“So it was you doing that,” Hyungwon snorted.

“I’ll miss you a lot too, hyung. I’ll miss your savagery and meme faces,” Changkyun finished. It took him half a minute to register what he said. “Shit. I said all those out loud.”

“They weren’t supposed to be said out loud? Really,” Hyungwon said, deadpan.

“I wouldn’t normally say you have meme faces, now would I?” Changkyun retorted with a giggle. “Pepe the frog. That meme especially.”

“Wow. This really is going to be your last shot for tonight,” Hyungwon sighed. “But hey, I take no offense. Jooheon and Hyunwoo hyung had told me the same thing.”

“Wait, did I say that out loud again?” Changkyun blurted, clutching his hair. He couldn’t filter what he was saying anymore. “God.”

“You’re drunk,” Hyungwon said. “Accept it, Changkyun. Say it. You’re finally smashed.”

“I accept it. I’m smashed,” Changkyun said obediently. “I’m smashed!”

Hyungwon’s unrestrained laughter filled his ears, loud and clear and beautiful and sweet and _fuck I’ll miss your laugh, Hyungwon hyung_.

Changkyun finally acknowledged the heat that swept his cheeks and neck, as well as the mild thrumming on his head. But he put all his focus on Hyungwon’s laugh, happy and calming and full of energy, and did the same, laughing the loudest he could. To forget the pain slowly shooting through his head and to dismiss the ache slowly settling in his chest.

And he tried to picture what he and Hyungwon looked like from the heavens. Two friends under the blanket of infinite stars, leaning against each other’s backs, laughing without a care in the world, alone together on a beautiful night. It was enough for him to remember that they were sharing this kind of moment together, a treasure he’ll keep close to his heart.

“Hyung,” Changkyun croaked between laughs. “I’m drunk.”

Hyungwon’s laughter softened. “Yes, I know that, Kyunnie.”

“I’m drunk,” Changkyun giggled.

“You’re drunk,” Hyungwon said. “We’ll be going back to the tent soon then, okay?”

“Okay,” Changkyun sang. “I’m drunk. Really drunk.”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Hyungwon said.

_Something you don’t know._

“I’m drunk, hyung,” Changkyun tittered. “I’m drunk.”

_I love you._

* * *

With Hyunwoo as an exception, Hyungwon was the sole member of their group wide awake in the van on their way back to Seoul. At the back of the van, Minhyuk and Jooheon were comfortably leaning against each other while Kihyun was on his back on the floor. Hoseok was at the other side of Hyungwon’s seat, head against the window and drool peeking out at the corner of his lips.

Changkyun’s head rested on Hyungwon’s shoulder, and Hyungwon’s hand rested on Changkyun’s back.

Changkyun’s words were still trapped in Hyungwon’s thoughts.

_“I’m drunk, hyung. I’m drunk. I love you.”_

Hyungwon pressed his lips against Changkyun’s forehead. The younger boy wouldn’t remember it the same way he didn’t remember saying those three words.

**Author's Note:**

> lol the irony of hyungwon being the only one awake (apart from shownu) even though he's the sleepiest member
> 
> also changkyun doesn't remember bc as cliche as it sounds he fell asleep right after saying it
> 
> t'was supposed to be a longer fic, starting from when jooheon introduced changkyun to minhyuk while playing in the arcade up to changkyun in boston, but i'm bad with updating so one-shot it is
> 
> note: changkyun (1st year), jooheon & hyungwon (3rd year), kihyun & minhyuk & wonho (4th year, graduating), shownu (graduated; working/postgrad studies idk yet XD)
> 
> thank you for reading! :3


End file.
